Tag Archives: friends

Joshua James

The three of you were sitting there,
A small and humble family.
I saw your head, so full of hair,
From the corner, I say quietly.

I marvelled at how this came to be;
A baby – honest miracle.
I knew your mother, now you see,
Not one for being responsible.

For nine months we watched you grow
From idea into bump,
We knew and yet we did not know
You’d be real, in our throats a lump.

I cried when your father told me.
I laughed at the birthing tale.
I picked you up, so cuddly.
I missed you, which prevailed.

But baby boy, Joshua James,
Born on August 19th,
The world will never be the same,
Now you’re the centrepiece.

To Kim and Tom, the greatest friends
And parents (can you believe?!)
My pride in you has no end,
It pains me that I’ll leave.

The three of you are wonderful,
I wish you lives of joy.
I can’t wait to hear about it all -
Your story, baby boy.


A boy and a girl

Friends since they were six years old, Jamie had never planned to tell Collette that he loved her. He never even realised it himself until ten years later, when Collette went on a date with an arrogant, underachieving arsehole. For the next year, two months and twelve days, Collette was in a happy, if not turbulent, relationship until eventually she decided that they had had one argument too many. After storming out of her now ex-boyfriend’s front door, she wondered mindlessly to Jamie’s house. Collette knew that she could rely on Jamie. He was her best friend, he had helped her through her entire relationship, he had never judged her for making the wrong decisions and most of all, he had always been there.

Jamie had spent one year, two months and twelve days of his life in complete turmoil. He had always loved Collette but it wasn’t until she became unavailable that he truly realised just how much. The jealousy that filled him from head to toe was unbearable and seemed to grow with each passing day. Her beauty overwhelmed him. Her smile sent waves of joy through his soul. When Collette was happy with her boyfriend, Jamie put his own feelings aside and was instead grateful that she was content. When Collette’s boyfriend caused her hurt or upset, Jamie’s blood boiled with a venomous anger.
Now, with Collette standing on his doorstep in the pouring rain, Jamie’s heart ached.

They talked and hugged and eventually laughed. Jamie comforted his friend in exactly the way he knew how, and Collette appreciated every second. He listened and he understood. He said only what she wanted to hear and what she needed to comprehend. He made her laugh and he made her smile. And that made him smile. Jamie offered Collette his bed for the night so she would not have to discuss her break-up with her parents, and she immediately accepted. Jamie would sleep on the sofa.

The next few weeks were some of the best; Jamie had his best friend back all to himself. Summer rolled around which meant Sixth Form had ended. Exams had seemed a lot better than they would have before, because Collette revised with Jamie. He admired Collette because she worked so hard every day, starting from early in the morning and carrying on until everyone else had gone to bed. They were studying two of the same A Levels, but Jamie was revising French while Collette trundled through History notes.

Jamie and Collette had become completely inseparable. Their other friends enquired frequently into their friendship, wondering if it was possibly more than ‘just friends’. Collette was always first to respond with a final ‘no’. Even though that was the truth, a hot blade pierced Jamie’s lungs each time the word passed her lips. The boy was infatuated and besotted. Collette was all he could think about and not being able to kiss her was impossibly frustrating. But then they got drunk.

Collette had just turned eighteen and so the pair could finally go clubbing together for the first time. They were bad influences on each other and soon lost not only their other friends, but all sense of what they were doing. As Collette slipped on a spilt drink on the dance floor, Jamie miraculously managed to catch her mid-fall and they walked off laughing hysterically to a booth. Neither of them could remember the conversation that followed when they awoke the next day, but they did have a vivid image of Jamie leaning over and planting a sloppy kiss on Collette’s mouth.

Collette had pulled away in shock and asked Jamie what he thought he was doing. With the elegancy of an elephant on roller-skates, Jamie then mumbled and slurred his way through a declaration of his undying love for the beautiful girl sitting beside him. Inadvertently he offended Collette when he began to discuss her ex, stating that she was naïve to have stayed with him for so long. In his clouded mind, Jamie thought he was being romantic and saying that she had true love right in front of her eyes. He was confused, then, when Collette stormed away from the boy and out of the club.

The next morning, the pair did not speak. Nor did they talk during the following week. Jamie made attempts to contact Collette, but she had ignored every text message. They did not see or talk to each other for a few weeks, when results day finally arrived. Both Jamie and Collette arrived at their Sixth Form as soon as it opened to collect their results. Collette opened her envelope first and Jamie smiled when she squealed in delight, obviously getting the results she needed for her first choice university.

It was with mixed feelings that Jamie celebrated his results. He had also managed to secure the results he needed for his first choice university, but he was not sure if wanted to go. In fact, nobody except Jamie and his parents knew what his first choice university was. Now it was becoming real, he had to tell Collette even if she did not want to see him. He walked over to her and she turned her back on him.

“Hi.” He said, timidly. There was no response. “Look, I’m not going to apologise again because I know it’s pointless. I just wanted to say congratulations on your results, I see you got in to university. I’m proud of you.”
He expected a reply, perhaps she would congratulate him, too. But still she was silent.
“Well, anyway. I thought you should know I got in as well. But I lied before. My first choice university wasn’t Southampton. I guess I was just scared because I kind of regretted making my decision straight away but now I’m in and…”
“Where is it?” She asked, surprising Jamie with a reply.
“Paris.”
It was in complete silence that Collette walked away from her old best friend.

Jamie was at the airport. Collette was at home, packing. The pair had not spoken since they collected their results. Jamie never understood what he could have said to hurt her so badly and he did not remember much of their conversation. But he had told his friend that she was naïve, that she was stupid, and that she had caused Jamie unbelievable heartbreak during her relationship. And that was why Collette knew she had to stop talking to Jamie; because she did not love him back. She had caused her best friend the most hurt he had known. She had been the reason for his unhappiness for over a year. She loved Jamie, but as a friend and nothing more, never anything more.

Collette was sitting on her bed, tears rolling down her soft cheeks. The clock in front of her ticked, each second passing by with a soft thud. She never moved an inch, remaining still and silent for over two hours. Finally, she watched as the minute hand and the hour hand formed a horizontal line. Jamie was on his plane and it was time for take-off.
Collette began to cry. She crawled over her bed and peered out of her window, where she could see Jamie’s rooftop.

Tears streamed down her face, her eyes were sore and red and her throat began to ache. Her phone vibrated. It was a text message from Jamie.
‘This isn’t goodbye.’
The girl began to cry even harder, regretting the last few months and the sheer stupidity that both of them had shown. Jamie would always love Collette, but Collette could never stop being Jamie’s friend.

Collette smiled. Then she looked at the sky and sighed…


Surprise!

What a day. Work was utter chaos, mainly because I’m surrounded by morons. Not a single person in my office has any common sense and I spend a huge part of every day wondering why I employed them. I’m surprised they even managed to write a CV, never mind making it past the interview stage. To make this Friday even more wonderful, everyone decided to go to the pub and insisted that I go along for a ‘quick half’.  Three pints later and I’m finally home, looking forward to seeing the wife and watching a bit of TV. A relaxing end to a stressful week.

I open the front door, switch the living room light on and have a minor heart attack. The room is full of people shouting ‘Happy birthday!’ flailing their arms excitedly and there’s Jay with a big grin on her face. I realise she thinks she’s done a nice thing for me and so return her smile, my peaceful Friday evening slipping away from my grasp. My ever-so-thoughtful wife gives me a hug and wishes me a happy birthday. I manage a ‘thank you’ through clenched teeth.

Stepping back to evaluate the turnout, I’m surprised that I’m happy to see some people. There’s my sister and her husband, a few cousins who I haven’t seen since last Christmas, the mates that haven’t yet managed to piss me off, and Jay’s best friend who is irritating but easy on the eye. Not too bad. But then amongst these welcome guest, I spot some others. Those people I have on Facebook but can’t bear the sight of. They are all here. In my house. For me. Ridiculous.

The first dickhead I see is Alan. This is the man who haunted my nightmares for three years when I worked in the restaurant. He is nerdy, needy and weedy. The bloke followed me around. He was everywhere. He worked the same shifts as me, had his lunch breaks at the same time as me, and even joined the same gym as me. And then he figured out my routine. I’d work out in the morning and he was there, waiting for me. I’d have a cigarette before going into work, and he was there. He started smoking so he could join me. Obsessed is the word. Why he was here, in my house, I had no idea. Jay can’t have invited him.

But he’s not the worst one. Sitting on an armchair looking like she can smell a bad fart is Jay’s sister. She hates me and I hate her. At our wedding, when the vicar asked if anyone had any objections, she stood up. Jay’s only bridesmaid stood up and squealed, barely able to contain her excitement, ‘I object!’.  Why did she object? Because apparently we had slept with each other behind Jay’s back. Apparently I was in love with her. Apparently I should have been marrying her instead. Thankfully, everyone saw through it and didn’t believe her. She’s a compulsive liar. She lied that she was pregnant once just so a bloke wouldn’t break up with her. Crazy, that’s what she is. Besides, we only slept together once and I was absolutely hammered.

Then I see Charlotte and Kerry. What was Jay thinking when she invited those two imbeciles?! Jay lived with these two through all three years of university which meant I saw them every single day when we started seeing each other. The only word that can really describe them is empty. There’s nothing between their ears except their wide eyes. When I first met them, I thought they were funny. Then I realised that they were just completely stupid. How they got through university I will never know. It is impossible to hold a conversation with them, they barely understand English. I make a mental note to avoid them at all costs and then I see the worst of them all.

Harold fucking Noakes. This time I look at Jay and shake my head. She smiles apologetically and scarpers into the kitchen, hopefully to get me a strong drink. I’m going to need it to get through the night. Harry is every man’s worst nightmare. We met him at our local one night and he seemed like an alright lad. Over time he became a good friend to us both. Then Jay and I had a fight one day and she went to live with her sister for a week or two. I didn’t see Harry for that whole time, but Jay did. He was going over there every day with comforting words and a shoulder for Jay to cry on. I stayed here moping around none the wiser. Then, I see them in our local together one night. The look on his face. I could have wiped that smug grin off his mug and he would never have seen it coming. Then Jay walked over to me. We chatted and decided to go for dinner the next evening to sort things out. That smarmy git’s face dropped like a teenager’s testicles. I only carried on talking to him because Jay insisted that he talked her into getting back with me. But I know he just saw his opportunity to pounce. He didn’t even come to our wedding, not that I wanted him there of course.

Jay comes in and hands me a cold can of lager. I take a few swigs and try to appreciate her good intentions. It’s not every day your wife throws you  surprise birthday party, I suppose. I make my way around the room, thanking people for coming, insisting that I had no idea there would be a party, and pretending to laugh at anecdotes about things I’d rather forget. The majority of guests at my birthday party are those I had hoped never to see again. Maybe the people I actually like are busy, because Jay can’t have just invited this group of idiots.

It gets late and gradually everyone leaves our home. I sit on the sofa and yawn. Finally I get to relax. Jay comes and plonks herself next to me, equally as tired.

“Did you enjoy it?” She asks me.

“Yeah, I really did. Thanks love.” I smile at her and give her a quick peck.

“You’re not too annoyed at me inviting my sister and Harry, then?”

I lie, “No, of course not. It was lovely to see them.”

We sit there in silence, too shattered to talk. I consider going to bed, but she speaks again before I can move.

“I know you slept with my sister, Carl.”

My heart skips a beat and I struggle to find my words. “What? No I didn’t. She’s a liar, you know that.” I don’t sound at all convincing.

“It’s okay, Carl. Harry saw you two go home together that night but he didn’t want to tell me. But he told me three weeks ago.” I was surprised that Jay wasn’t punching me or shouting or packing her bags. She was surprisingly calm for a woman who had just discovered that her husband had had an affair with her sister.

“I… I… I’m going to fucking kill that man!” I growl, getting to my feet.

“Wow.” Jay says, still unbelievably calm.

“Wow?” I wonder.

“Well, if you’re going to kill him for that, what are you going to do when I tell you that I slept with him.”

“You… You what?! When!?”

“Oh… about an hour ago when you were talking to the group of people you despise. I hope you had fun.” She stands up and walks to the bedroom. I stand silently, bewildered and shocked as she walks past me with a suitcase and opens the front door.

And there, waiting for her in the front garden, is Harry.

“Surprise!” He shouts. That smug grin is the last thing I see before the door slams shut.


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